If you’re like me, you beat yourself up for every mid-step, mistake you make, big or small. I played softball yesterday and made a ton of good plays, ran for first to be safe like a jet, scored at home plate twice by out running the throw, but also was thrown out once at second base, bobbled a ground ball and didn’t get the runner. I remember the mistakes more than the good stuff.
The same goes for my golf game. I hit the ball straight most of the time, but a lot of the time I don’t hit it very far, or get “air” on it. The ball rolls down the fairway pretty far at least and is competitive. But, if I’m swinging over water I choke. If I swing out of a bunker or high grass, I chip like a champ. My tee shot is terrible, my short game is awesome. I love chipping and putting. I practice driving on the range into the water, and I hit equally good and bad shots. Putting and chipping, I’d say I do what I want to do and am successful 90% of the time.
On the driving range
What do I remember most? The misses. It’s time to change that. Especially after all my lofty (pun intended) plans in January. They weren’t resolutions, they were plans.
I also wanted to write everyday. I’ve written some, so I’ve attained that. But, I haven’t written everyday and posted it like I planned to.
I wanted to improve my running time, I hurt my ankle and had to take downtime, so now I started over again last week – slowly.
The Swimming – ankle support
I swim, I’m trying to improve my lap time, but my ankle kept torquing there too, I had to get a swim ankle brace, but I’ve been able to swim regularly again now, and my lap time has improved, and I now do over a mile 5-6 days a week. Days that I feel tired, I have a slower lap time, I beat myself up for going so slow all the way home, but try to shake it off while making dinner.
At work, I can do every right. Cross all I need off my list, and I feel accomplished. Then I realize I forget to get an essential ingredient(s) for dinner at the store. What do you think I think of? Not the accomplishments, but then I pivot on the dinner, and make something else, most of the time it turns out better than I thought it would.
Improvising works!
So, my point it, it’s time to reset. Reset your thinking if you’re like me. Remember the good, the great, the lucky break even. Yes, I’d rather be great or even good than lucky, but I’ll take the luck, any day.
We all need some encouragement sometimes, so hopefully this has helped someone recalibrate their mindset to remember the good or great things you’ve done and accomplished up to now. And, if you’ve taken mid-steps or not even started your plans for 2023, reset now.
There are 24 hours in a day. You can restart your 24 hours at any time, whether it’s 10am, 2pm, or Midnight. It’s YOUR 24 hours. Let go of any regret of not even starting what you set out to do – YET. You can start your 24 hours now, or anytime you choose.
Love Yourself First, the rest Will come. Act and think like “it’s on its way”, and it will come. You need to think that it’s coming first, then it will. Be patient, be persistent, be courageous, be humble, be grateful.
Love yourself like you’re the last YOU on earth, because you are.
I’ve learned to Face Everything And Recover (facing one’s fears)
When I was young we had a couple of golf irons (I just called them clubs back then) among a garage bin-full of other sporting equipment. One day my brother and sisters decided to try “golfing” in our front yard for the first time.
I couldn’t tell you the brand of the 2-3 irons, or the golf balls we had acquired from a garage sale, but since it was something we were “trying out” for fun, they did the job for a group of kids ages 7-19 years old just trying something out.
Our corner property was long and large enough to play many sports on. We didn’t have an actual hole or pin, just a target we competed to get within range of. We did this with many activities and sports, it was a lot of fun.
At 7 years old (I was the youngest), I didn’t know anything about golf, but I had watched Wide World of Sports on TV, so I tried to emulate what I saw. Big swing, aim for the ball, and off it went – in at least the smallest of coincidences – it did so in the right direction. But, not for everyone in the group of course.
Here’s where a massive problem arose. It was my third turn up to swing (we started each “round” in order of oldest to youngest at the same place in the yard from the target at the end of the property). I blithely set-up the ball and positioned the shared club (fearless, and unaware at that time). Started on my BIG back-swing. Aaaaaand Whammm – my sister was sneaking up behind me to break my concentration. She succeeded. Aaaaaaand, I accidentally hit her hard with the club just above her left eyebrow. It was a gash, (lucky it wasn’t her eye), but with that back swing, I had given her not just a welt, but a bloody gash, aaaand turns out – a concussion.
She was rushed to the hospital. It took decades for the guilt to go away, and seeing the scar to this day, brings the whole episode to the forefront of my memory. Yes, I do realize that it wasn’t my fault, but I was involved, I was holding the club, I still hold myself responsible even though ultimately my sister was and is ok.
But, I was so traumatized, I didn’t pick up a golf club again until last year. I still to this day look around me before ever thinking of striking a ball (whether a softball, or golf ball, a good idea no matter what).
Later in life, I worked at ABC’s Wide World of Sports – in fact I told my mom earlier that same summer when I was 7, yes 7 that I was going to “work there someday”, and I did. Out of the mouths of children comes truth. I didn’t know what that meant at the time, luckily I do now.
I never was told that was a big dream back then, I wasn’t told it wouldn’t be attainable, I just received the gift reply of “ok honey”. My parents had no idea what it meant either, so there was no reason to not believe it was true.
I worked on many different sporting events including golf – I studied the players for each event I worked so I could recognize them if and when needed. From Golf, College & Monday Night Football, Horse Racing, Auto Racing, Bowling, Ice Skating, and Gymnastics. It was a great time. Thing is, I worked out all the, but stopped playing sports. I didn’t really even realize that until right this moment when I wrote that.
I played sports, did running events, did gymnastics, and dance class in grade & middle school, then went to performing arts high school for dance, but with that stopped “competitive sports”.
After college, I took to physical volunteering for different causes: cycling events, running events, swimming events, then began triathlons, just last year I participated in tough mudders too (and I love doing all of them).
Last year I started playing softball again. I’m relearning everything, I also have set aside my predisposition regarding golf, have taken lessons, and love the entire process. I regret not getting out of my own way mentally about the game. I’m still cognizant of my surroundings, where people, animals, and things are in relation to what I’m doing, not just in golf, but in life as well.
My Personal Take Away:
It’s wise to always know my surroundings, the fear has left, but the good practice of ensuring my and others safety prior to taking any swing (in sports, personally, and business opportunity), is just good sense. Don’t let fear stop you, let it inform you to be careful, but not hinder you action.
You’ve worked and worked. Shown up, gone above and beyond at work, with friends and family too. You’ve volunteered for the food bank, and local toy drive, helped neighbors with packages, and driven them to appointments they forgot about, and they didn’t want to take a car service.
You’ve gone to holiday gatherings for over a month for work and with friends. You’ve networked with your business contacts, sent notes, emails, well wishes done everything possible to bring good will to others.
Work is great, your friends and family are great, you’ve taken care of your significant other. Now what ?
It’s YOU time, that’s what!
Don’t forget about Yourself. I learned 12 years ago (on my yoga mat) that taking time for yourself is Not selfish, it’s actually one of many self-less things you can do for yourself and others. Ummm hmhmmm – it’s true.
Say what now?
Take one hour for yourself Today in anyway you’d like. A walk, meditate, if you want movement involved – work out (today I worked out, then did yoga, later I’ll play a little golf), listen to music, take a bath, swim, read, write, play an instrument, play /practice a sport, but do it. Yes Today!
You should set aside time everyday for yourself. It doesn’t always need to be an hour, just set aside some “boundary time” (time you will not be disturbed). No kids, no family, no friends, no texting, no social media – just where you’re doing You, unplugged to reset. No bills, no cooking, no cleaning, no kids (even for 5 minutes), breathe…..
This brings you back to you, the best version of you gets to emerge from this practice because not only your wants are met, an intrinsic Need of Re-connecting with yourself occurs.
You don’t know what to pick? It doesn’t HAVE to be any one thing. Pick one thing a day to try. Try something new. I chose yoga, it was the single greatest thing I did, because I didn’t even know at that moment how much I needed it yet. I just wanted to get out of the house, be with people – and try a class at my new gym. This year, learning golf and its process has me in the same zone. It’s amazing.
After the new year I’m taking a 4 day completely unplugged break. No phone, no email, no phone calls (except for emergencies only). I haven’t had a break since COVID began. Working and living at home has crossed some serious time boundaries, every day seemed to run into the next until I set some boundaries.
Exception: In an emergency, “me” time can be interrupted – but the house better be on fire! Ok, maybe not literally on fire, but I think I’ve made my point.
And, if I haven’t made my point. My point is take a break before you do!
Everyone needs even a quick reset, make it a 5 minute a day practice to start (and build from there), I guarantee others will see a positive change in you before you do. You’ll be healthier and much happier.
You’re worth it, believe it, own it, be it. You have permission to just think of yourself for at least 5 minutes a day – for the rest of your life. Then, you can return to your job, following up on tasks, the carpool, doing the dishes, grocery shopping, cleaning up after your pets and loved ones.
This is not a New Year’s resolution. Leave all your worries and things to do outside a virtual or physical door. When I step onto my yoga mat or write, nothing else exists at that moment in time. I can compartmentalize with such focus that nothing else exists, it’s almost like being in a trance. There are hours I’ve easily written through, and stepped onto my yoga mat hundreds of times, hearing just the voice of the instructor, going through the entire class, moving through each Asana, and found myself at the end not even realizing that someone else was in the room with me. It’s transcendent. It’s transformative.
It’s what I didn’t even know that I needed. Permission. Permission to think of just that for that moment in time.
You have permission to break from the task filled universe and be selfish for yourself, then you can be of service and more of yourself with the world.
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about making progress. Every day, we are presented with opportunities to move forward and improve our lives. Sometimes, we take those opportunities and sometimes we don’t. But as long as we keep moving forward, even if it’s just a little bit each day, we are making progress.
As we evolve we hopefully become more self aware. We know what we want, and possibly more importantly we know want we don’t want for ourselves. We can still make “bad” decisions, but I have to believe that each decision one makes is based on a belief system or defense mechanism we each have built for ourselves. A belief platform that tells us over and over again of “how it’s supposed to be”. But is it right? Is there a ”right” way? Only one, or just the one you’ve come to believe in?
Take the holidays. Chanukah, the Festival of Lights. When you were a child it was one thing, as an adult is it another ? Does it mean as much? How have your beliefs changed in what it was or is? Have they changed? The same can be asked about Christmas as well. Goto church, pray, get gifts, gather and eat with family.
How do you deal with the holidays, family, family “friends”, new “friends”? Are you excited, stressed out, evasive, apathetic?
If you’re going to be uncomfortable being with family, you have permission to not go (or host).
In tech, we build software applications and systems, test them, then give them to others to test and “break”. We WANT them to find flaws so they can be fixed before a bigger problem is found. It’s an iterative process. Yes, sometimes frustrating, but usually satisfying especially if it’s an easy fix. No one expects it to be perfect.
Now imagine crafting your life that way. There is no right, there is no wrong, there just is. The good, the bad, the frustration, the elation all will pass, nothing is permanent. A moment from now you won’t be exactly the same person you were a moment ago, so quite possibly the NOW person doesn’t want or need what the person they were a moment ago needed.
My whole life changed again during COVID. One day I was living alone in a condo in northern NJ working 2 jobs commuting to NYC 6 days a week, and on March 9th, 2020 I shut down my section of MLB Advanced Media, a brand new multi-million dollar office, and have barely traveled to NYC again, even for fun. If you told me that – on that day at that moment, it didn’t seem like that something so extreme would even be possible. But it was.
The next day the entire team pivoted to be home based, and we got to work, and we made it work. In no small part of that equation we’re my bosses, who were and are stellar in every sense of the word. Was it seamless and perfect? Not even close. The whole team was clamoring for more work hours, but we all made due with what was given. It worked somehow.
In my off hours, which were now many, I began long walks outside, worked out more, went to the grocery store as little as possible, but when I did I wore my mask, came home took off my shoes at the door, washed the food, all the clothes I was wearing, and took a full shower. It was exhausting, but I didn’t get COVID.
I helped neighbors, and met with friends outside 6 feet apart, took care of my pets, and just kept moving forward. Was it perfect? Again, not by a long shot. I applied to any job I thought I could do remotely for months, I was about to lose my condo when I sold it and moved in with my boyfriend. I then also started a fully remote mainstream job for the first time in years. I was a fish out of water, but I learned about the people, the culture, the job, the technology, and the competition. It was all new like I was a beginner again, because in a certain way, I was. Tech in broadcasting was rapidly changing, evolve or die, I choose to live, and so I did.
Is it perfect now? Nope. It’s progress not perfection. I’m in a New home, with a great guy, great friends and family, a great job, still working out everyday. It got better and still gets better everyday. It’s been a long road but setting expectations and accepting where you’re at in that exact moment leads to a certain peace in life that perfection can’t deliver.
Be here now. Being present, showing up, paying attention on a personal or work related phone call; Zoom, TEAMs, Chime, Blue Jeans, WebEx conference call where you’re camera is off and you’re muted, and “multitasking”. But are you really? Are you actually retaining the information while eating lunch, cooking dinner, surfing for a cool pair of shoes, or paying a bill? Let’s explore this a bit.
The TV is on with a show you’ve seen a hundred times. You get on your standard 9a call (whether it’s video or otherwise), and the coordinator goes over the agenda, then the meeting really begins. You don’t have to present anything on that particular day, soooooo you zone out, this content is as old as the TV show you have muted (with captions running in the background).
Change the dialog. The only way to do that is to listen, participate, oh and turn on you video camera at least while your asking a question, and especially if your pitching an idea, or presenting new material. It makes an impact. Don’t just literally show up and tune out, actively participate in the conversation, even if it is just in the chat box. You may find out an answer to a question that will help you later on.
This premise doesn’t stop at work, do you “multitask” at home while listening to your family while cooking dinner, Swiffering the floor, or considering where to place the decorations exactly? Did you remember that your spouse or significant other wouldn’t be home for dinner because they had an out-of-town client meeting that was going to run late?
Put down the skillet and spatula, turn off the TV, put down your phone, heck put it on silent mode! Stop surfing the net for that perfect pair of running shoes that are 80% off. Don’t answer every text immediately. It really can wait 5-20 minutes while you actually give the person your connected to the richly deserved time to connect in a real visceral way.
People are feeling more disconnected than ever since COVID. There’s a reason for that, and it’s not just the social distancing and masks. People have gotten so used to being separate, they’ve forgotten to be apart of something too.
This year, I’ve reconnected to many people through sports, but also just calling to say “hello, how are you?”. A simple act, but meaningful. Stringing small acts like that together can create a ripple in an isolated world. Take down the partition. Who cares if your hair and makeup aren’t perfect? It’s the authentic you, and your friends, family, colleagues, even people you haven’t met yet want YOU, the real you who is willing to give them 2 undivided minutes. You never know what the effect will be until you try. They and You deserve it.
If you’re not ready to get out into the full world yet, just pick up the phone, you don’t have to say anything else except “I was just thinking of you, and thought I’d call (instead of texting) to say hello.” What a statement! You’d hear the other person’s voice, tone, inflection, and I bet you’d raise their spirits, and yours as well too.
Don’t be afraid to take a chance. Leave a short message, don’t expect a response, not everyone else is ready / YET. Just take it easy on yourself, go moment by moment, then it’ll be a day, then the next, suddenly it’s months later, and you may have literally changed you life, by simply being present.
Whether you are just learning something new, or a seasoned veteran in your career, a new hobby, or completely pivoting your life choices, or how you approach “where you want to go next”, there are some simple premises that remain steadfast.
My actual golf bag
I started to learn Golf this year, I love it! I love the process, I love practicing driving the floater balls into the lake or range, I love putting and chipping areas, and getting even a half hour of practice in any day of the week that I can. In golf, my driving, isn’t that great – YET. But, my short game is actually wayyy better than anyone expected it to be (I’m not bragging, I have practiced a lot). I love to practice both driving, and “the short game” though. I actually have a lesson later today. With my “new” used Callaway Rogueclubs. I keep practicing BOTH areas which have very different approaches. The key is the consistency of practicing both areas, and sticking with it, even if I’m hitting a Callaway, Titleist, or my new favorite Taylormade’sKalea ball well on any given day, even if the day before I was doing very well, the next day I may not (and usually don’t) do as well.
This is true in ALL areas of life, career, athletics of any kind. I play softball with a team. For the first time in years I’m playing again (re-learning some things), and I’m also learning pickleball (I used to play tennis regularly, so pickleball has been quite intuitive). I also swim, and run regularly, and have now done tough mudders. I have I found a great affinity for mudders because the premise is everyone helping everyone get through the obstacles together. I love the diversity of each sport, the skill set is different for each and every one of them. I employ this thinking when it comes to my work life, and career.
I’ve been fortunate to have had a truly varied work life. I’ve taken jobs that I knew would be a stretch for my skill set, where there was a lot to learn, and did them. How? Practice, reading, being curious, asking questions even before I accepted the job. That also lets the new employer know that you wish to grow and learn, and move forward, and that you are forward thinking.
The point is I had to be willing to fail too. If I kept trying, I could be “wrong”, but I didn’t necessarily “fail”. But I did “fail”, I took big swings, and sometimes I got a yes, and many times I got a “no”, but I kept going. I didn’t see it as a game, it was my life career, there was definitely a strategy.
Where did I start? I listed everything that I’d be happy to do, also what I wouldn’t be happy doing, and most importantly what would I be ecstatic to do. Then, within that, I listed things that I could already knew, what would be a challenge, and even further, what I didn’t think was even possible for me to do. It’s a tough list. Then I listed the WHY I had these beliefs. I then wrote beside that negative list, a positive list of how I could achieve what I thought to be impossible. The amazing thing was that breaking it down into these categories and the solutions to get where I wanted to be made it seem at least possible.
After much introspection came self awareness, looking at time, level of effort, how my life would change, how it would change my family’s life, I came to a much smaller list. I took the impossible list and broke each section down even more into chunks to begin. Just starting the list was the hardest part. It’s like going to the gym to workout sometimes, you don’t want to go, but when you get there you’re good to go, and revved up. It’s true. I began researching, and reading everything I could. Took every free webinar I could on what I wanted to learn, paid for others when I was ready, and suddenly I found myself suggesting things to my bosses. Again, not all winners, but I was putting myself out there.
If you don’t try and fail then you’re not reaching high enough. I built a time based formula, let’s say 6 months to a year. 10% would be things that I knew I could succeed at instantly, 20% I knew I could succeed at with a specific amount of research and effort (whether hands on or not), the next 20% I wasn’t sure if I could succeed in 6 months, but knew I could within a year, the final 50% were super stretch goals that I knew without great time and effort that I probably wouldn’t succeed at at all in a year. You know what? I found that with the time based goal schedule, a set plan for time and effort, I could reasonably do while still giving my family their much deserved attention, I succeeded at about 98%.
Career goals were actually easier to attain than my physical goals. I’m not a scratch golfer – yet 🙂 but I’m working on it. I’ve done the tough mudders, half marathons, triathlons, bike-a-thons, and finished them all, but I didn’t finish “as quickly” as I wanted, but I finished. The point has been each time I’ve progressed. Athletically I’ve always been active. I got hurt earlier in this year, I recovered in about 4 or so weeks, and started out slowly to rebuild. Then, I needed surgery. It turned out to be far more extensive than the x-ray had shown, but 6 weeks later I was allowed to begin just walking again. The area “weeped” for weeks, I kept a bandage on it, I even went to the pool and just did a couple of very slow laps. In no time I was back at it.
Then, a few months ago, I was jumping out of the way of someone walking their dogs, I hopped into the street and rolled my ankle. Ok, that was annoying, I walked it off, so I thought. It felt ok, I iced, I put a wrap on it, and a few days later I went off in the early morning to play softball.
At bat
All was ok in the world for that moment. Then, I hit the ball, and ran hard to first base, there was a soft spot/hole and my right foot happened to hit it, I popped forward and double hopped on my left foot, getting to first base – I was safe! My right ankle was a bit angry at me, but ok, so I thought. The next batter made the last out of the inning, so I went to get my glove, and went into the field.
I played 2 more innings, but didn’t get up to bat again. I came in from making a play, and as I was walking in, my ankle had spoken. “You’re done”, and as I walked in – limping now, I said out loud “I’m done scratch me from the line-up”. I didn’t fail here, I listened to my body. I iced it for the remainder of the game from the dugout. I went home and iced it a lot more, put the Futuroankle brace on it, had an ice-boot in the freezer (life saver), ok, I think it’ll be ok. Not so much.
Futuro Brace
The next day, I couldn’t walk on it without a brace at all. I luckily made an appointment with a orthopedist immediately, and he took an X-Ray. I had broken this ankle in August 2018, I have a plate and 6 screws in it. Luckily all were in place, all the screws were in place, it was all soft tissue damage, and my posterior tibial tendon was “angry”.
The doctor told me I needed a walking boot for 6 weeks at least. “Ugh Really?” Really?? And not just the shorty one, one that went up to my knee (to immobilize all of the muscles surrounding my ankle), I could get one there or order one on Amazon. Since getting a walking boot through the doctor would cost about 6x more than ordering a really good one from Amazon, I ordered through them, and it was delivered, I kid you not the next morning before 10am for no extra charge. The AircastAirselectWalker boot (yes all the way up to my knee) became my new best friend. It truly did its job beautifully.
I went to softball games just to cheer, I went to the gym to do upper body work, I went to the pool (took it off and left it by the steps), and gently walked in the pool, I couldn’t full out swim, but when I did swim, I just dragged my legs. I did “cast” yoga, anything that I could do I did. 6 weeks did not go by quickly.
Then I was able to start wrapping my ankle again, so I walked around the house with just the wrap and good foot support. I finally went for a short walk for a couple weeks. I felt good, but I also ordered the Aryse IFAST Ankle Stabilizer Brace ankle support to fit IN a sneaker or shoe, and then they also have one that fits on the outside of my softball cleats the Aryse XFAST Exo Brace. Amazing, it’s all laced up and Ready To Go.
I’ve been playing softball, running and now swimming again (with the Nvorliy Ankle Brace for Swimming), no awkward kicks, and I’m still icing afterward, but I’m back in business. It sounds like a lot, but to restart and keep my ankle safe going forward, all necessary, and once it became routine, like anything else, it has become second nature, and I’m enjoying all my activities once again.
Again, I stress consistency, tenacity, taking decided chances, but also listening to your body, and stopping when you need to. Your body will tell you one way or the other. Listen to your body.
This does not just apply to sports, this applies to your work-life, and all life choices. If you give yourself the tools you need to do anything in life, you can accomplish it. Aside from reading, I watch YouTube videos for many things relating to my work (getting my CompTia Network+ certification), SMPTE2110 / AES67 Certifications, to golf tips. It all applies.
Never stop being curious, never stop trying. Put tasks into smaller attainable chunks, and build on that each day or week, whatever your schedule may be. Write is down. Write down your victories. Write down your failures, and what you’ve learned from them, and what you could do differently next time. Just keep trying until you get your win. No matter how big or little, just take it one step at a time, you are where you are at right now, just keep moving forward.
That's News To Me 