Be here now. Being present, showing up, paying attention on a personal or work related phone call; Zoom, TEAMs, Chime, Blue Jeans, WebEx conference call where you’re camera is off and you’re muted, and “multitasking”. But are you really? Are you actually retaining the information while eating lunch, cooking dinner, surfing for a cool pair of shoes, or paying a bill? Let’s explore this a bit.
The TV is on with a show you’ve seen a hundred times. You get on your standard 9a call (whether it’s video or otherwise), and the coordinator goes over the agenda, then the meeting really begins. You don’t have to present anything on that particular day, soooooo you zone out, this content is as old as the TV show you have muted (with captions running in the background).
Change the dialog. The only way to do that is to listen, participate, oh and turn on you video camera at least while your asking a question, and especially if your pitching an idea, or presenting new material. It makes an impact. Don’t just literally show up and tune out, actively participate in the conversation, even if it is just in the chat box. You may find out an answer to a question that will help you later on.
This premise doesn’t stop at work, do you “multitask” at home while listening to your family while cooking dinner, Swiffering the floor, or considering where to place the decorations exactly? Did you remember that your spouse or significant other wouldn’t be home for dinner because they had an out-of-town client meeting that was going to run late?
Put down the skillet and spatula, turn off the TV, put down your phone, heck put it on silent mode! Stop surfing the net for that perfect pair of running shoes that are 80% off. Don’t answer every text immediately. It really can wait 5-20 minutes while you actually give the person your connected to the richly deserved time to connect in a real visceral way.
People are feeling more disconnected than ever since COVID. There’s a reason for that, and it’s not just the social distancing and masks. People have gotten so used to being separate, they’ve forgotten to be apart of something too.
This year, I’ve reconnected to many people through sports, but also just calling to say “hello, how are you?”. A simple act, but meaningful. Stringing small acts like that together can create a ripple in an isolated world. Take down the partition. Who cares if your hair and makeup aren’t perfect? It’s the authentic you, and your friends, family, colleagues, even people you haven’t met yet want YOU, the real you who is willing to give them 2 undivided minutes. You never know what the effect will be until you try. They and You deserve it.
If you’re not ready to get out into the full world yet, just pick up the phone, you don’t have to say anything else except “I was just thinking of you, and thought I’d call (instead of texting) to say hello.” What a statement! You’d hear the other person’s voice, tone, inflection, and I bet you’d raise their spirits, and yours as well too.
Don’t be afraid to take a chance. Leave a short message, don’t expect a response, not everyone else is ready / YET. Just take it easy on yourself, go moment by moment, then it’ll be a day, then the next, suddenly it’s months later, and you may have literally changed you life, by simply being present.
Whether you are just learning something new, or a seasoned veteran in your career, a new hobby, or completely pivoting your life choices, or how you approach “where you want to go next”, there are some simple premises that remain steadfast.
My actual golf bag
I started to learn Golf this year, I love it! I love the process, I love practicing driving the floater balls into the lake or range, I love putting and chipping areas, and getting even a half hour of practice in any day of the week that I can. In golf, my driving, isn’t that great – YET. But, my short game is actually wayyy better than anyone expected it to be (I’m not bragging, I have practiced a lot). I love to practice both driving, and “the short game” though. I actually have a lesson later today. With my “new” used Callaway Rogueclubs. I keep practicing BOTH areas which have very different approaches. The key is the consistency of practicing both areas, and sticking with it, even if I’m hitting a Callaway, Titleist, or my new favorite Taylormade’sKalea ball well on any given day, even if the day before I was doing very well, the next day I may not (and usually don’t) do as well.
This is true in ALL areas of life, career, athletics of any kind. I play softball with a team. For the first time in years I’m playing again (re-learning some things), and I’m also learning pickleball (I used to play tennis regularly, so pickleball has been quite intuitive). I also swim, and run regularly, and have now done tough mudders. I have I found a great affinity for mudders because the premise is everyone helping everyone get through the obstacles together. I love the diversity of each sport, the skill set is different for each and every one of them. I employ this thinking when it comes to my work life, and career.
I’ve been fortunate to have had a truly varied work life. I’ve taken jobs that I knew would be a stretch for my skill set, where there was a lot to learn, and did them. How? Practice, reading, being curious, asking questions even before I accepted the job. That also lets the new employer know that you wish to grow and learn, and move forward, and that you are forward thinking.
The point is I had to be willing to fail too. If I kept trying, I could be “wrong”, but I didn’t necessarily “fail”. But I did “fail”, I took big swings, and sometimes I got a yes, and many times I got a “no”, but I kept going. I didn’t see it as a game, it was my life career, there was definitely a strategy.
Where did I start? I listed everything that I’d be happy to do, also what I wouldn’t be happy doing, and most importantly what would I be ecstatic to do. Then, within that, I listed things that I could already knew, what would be a challenge, and even further, what I didn’t think was even possible for me to do. It’s a tough list. Then I listed the WHY I had these beliefs. I then wrote beside that negative list, a positive list of how I could achieve what I thought to be impossible. The amazing thing was that breaking it down into these categories and the solutions to get where I wanted to be made it seem at least possible.
After much introspection came self awareness, looking at time, level of effort, how my life would change, how it would change my family’s life, I came to a much smaller list. I took the impossible list and broke each section down even more into chunks to begin. Just starting the list was the hardest part. It’s like going to the gym to workout sometimes, you don’t want to go, but when you get there you’re good to go, and revved up. It’s true. I began researching, and reading everything I could. Took every free webinar I could on what I wanted to learn, paid for others when I was ready, and suddenly I found myself suggesting things to my bosses. Again, not all winners, but I was putting myself out there.
If you don’t try and fail then you’re not reaching high enough. I built a time based formula, let’s say 6 months to a year. 10% would be things that I knew I could succeed at instantly, 20% I knew I could succeed at with a specific amount of research and effort (whether hands on or not), the next 20% I wasn’t sure if I could succeed in 6 months, but knew I could within a year, the final 50% were super stretch goals that I knew without great time and effort that I probably wouldn’t succeed at at all in a year. You know what? I found that with the time based goal schedule, a set plan for time and effort, I could reasonably do while still giving my family their much deserved attention, I succeeded at about 98%.
Career goals were actually easier to attain than my physical goals. I’m not a scratch golfer – yet 🙂 but I’m working on it. I’ve done the tough mudders, half marathons, triathlons, bike-a-thons, and finished them all, but I didn’t finish “as quickly” as I wanted, but I finished. The point has been each time I’ve progressed. Athletically I’ve always been active. I got hurt earlier in this year, I recovered in about 4 or so weeks, and started out slowly to rebuild. Then, I needed surgery. It turned out to be far more extensive than the x-ray had shown, but 6 weeks later I was allowed to begin just walking again. The area “weeped” for weeks, I kept a bandage on it, I even went to the pool and just did a couple of very slow laps. In no time I was back at it.
Then, a few months ago, I was jumping out of the way of someone walking their dogs, I hopped into the street and rolled my ankle. Ok, that was annoying, I walked it off, so I thought. It felt ok, I iced, I put a wrap on it, and a few days later I went off in the early morning to play softball.
At bat
All was ok in the world for that moment. Then, I hit the ball, and ran hard to first base, there was a soft spot/hole and my right foot happened to hit it, I popped forward and double hopped on my left foot, getting to first base – I was safe! My right ankle was a bit angry at me, but ok, so I thought. The next batter made the last out of the inning, so I went to get my glove, and went into the field.
I played 2 more innings, but didn’t get up to bat again. I came in from making a play, and as I was walking in, my ankle had spoken. “You’re done”, and as I walked in – limping now, I said out loud “I’m done scratch me from the line-up”. I didn’t fail here, I listened to my body. I iced it for the remainder of the game from the dugout. I went home and iced it a lot more, put the Futuroankle brace on it, had an ice-boot in the freezer (life saver), ok, I think it’ll be ok. Not so much.
Futuro Brace
The next day, I couldn’t walk on it without a brace at all. I luckily made an appointment with a orthopedist immediately, and he took an X-Ray. I had broken this ankle in August 2018, I have a plate and 6 screws in it. Luckily all were in place, all the screws were in place, it was all soft tissue damage, and my posterior tibial tendon was “angry”.
The doctor told me I needed a walking boot for 6 weeks at least. “Ugh Really?” Really?? And not just the shorty one, one that went up to my knee (to immobilize all of the muscles surrounding my ankle), I could get one there or order one on Amazon. Since getting a walking boot through the doctor would cost about 6x more than ordering a really good one from Amazon, I ordered through them, and it was delivered, I kid you not the next morning before 10am for no extra charge. The AircastAirselectWalker boot (yes all the way up to my knee) became my new best friend. It truly did its job beautifully.
I went to softball games just to cheer, I went to the gym to do upper body work, I went to the pool (took it off and left it by the steps), and gently walked in the pool, I couldn’t full out swim, but when I did swim, I just dragged my legs. I did “cast” yoga, anything that I could do I did. 6 weeks did not go by quickly.
Then I was able to start wrapping my ankle again, so I walked around the house with just the wrap and good foot support. I finally went for a short walk for a couple weeks. I felt good, but I also ordered the Aryse IFAST Ankle Stabilizer Brace ankle support to fit IN a sneaker or shoe, and then they also have one that fits on the outside of my softball cleats the Aryse XFAST Exo Brace. Amazing, it’s all laced up and Ready To Go.
I’ve been playing softball, running and now swimming again (with the Nvorliy Ankle Brace for Swimming), no awkward kicks, and I’m still icing afterward, but I’m back in business. It sounds like a lot, but to restart and keep my ankle safe going forward, all necessary, and once it became routine, like anything else, it has become second nature, and I’m enjoying all my activities once again.
Again, I stress consistency, tenacity, taking decided chances, but also listening to your body, and stopping when you need to. Your body will tell you one way or the other. Listen to your body.
This does not just apply to sports, this applies to your work-life, and all life choices. If you give yourself the tools you need to do anything in life, you can accomplish it. Aside from reading, I watch YouTube videos for many things relating to my work (getting my CompTia Network+ certification), SMPTE2110 / AES67 Certifications, to golf tips. It all applies.
Never stop being curious, never stop trying. Put tasks into smaller attainable chunks, and build on that each day or week, whatever your schedule may be. Write is down. Write down your victories. Write down your failures, and what you’ve learned from them, and what you could do differently next time. Just keep trying until you get your win. No matter how big or little, just take it one step at a time, you are where you are at right now, just keep moving forward.
You finely honed your resume and cover-letters to the jobs you really wanted. You made it through the recruiter interview (whether in-house or independent). You also met with your potential new colleagues, the boss, and the boss’s boss. Whew!
After all that, they made you an offer of employment. Now what? You might just think to jump right in, do the onboarding paperwork, and you’ll find out everything you need to know later, right? Not so fast, you can’t make an informed decision without asking the proper questions of the recruiter or HR manager.
1) Health plan: Is there a waiting period before it is available to me? Are there different plan levels? What is the employee contribution (full contribution or a percentage of the plan premium or a set amount)? I assume any employee contribution would be on a pre tax basis.
2) Dental & Vision: Same questions. Is there a waiting period? Are there different levels? What is the employee contribution? Full contribution or a percentage of the plan?
3) Is Pet Insurance offered? If so, at what cost?
4) I understand it’s a 40 hr work week. Is there overtime? How is overtime paid ? After 8 or 10 hours, is that straight time, time and a half, or double time after a certain amount of hours have been reached? Also, how long is the contract for (if going through an outside hiring agency)? 12 months to convert contract – or extend. Will this position convert?
5) Is there a retirement plan? A 401K ? If so, is there a company match up to a certain percent? What is the waiting period to join the plan ? What is the vesting schedule for any company contribution if any?
6) How many vacation days are offered per year? How many sick & personal days are allotted? What holidays are offered?
7) Working on holidays (which I personally love working). How is that compensated (i.e. Payback day(s), regular pay, 1.5 pay, 2x pay, or something else)?
8) Personal growth: Is there reimbursement for courses for skills to enhance training for the growing skillset?
9) Commuting, tolls, parking reimbursement to defray the cost. Is there a commuter plan (if you’re not working remotely)? Is there Transit checks, or Wageworks? If there is a plan, how much is that every month? Do you offer a pre-tax transit plan if the employee has a contribution they must make?
We all have to think beyond the initial offer to really see what the full compensation would be. It varies wildly from company to company. So, do Post offer research questions, before you sign anything. It is merely outlining everything for you so you can make an informed decision.
Radio City Music Hall, NYC. Bill Crystal, Robin William, Whoopi Goldberg (when she swore she’d never wear anything but a pantsuit) hosted, and teems of other A list actors and entertainers, including Jason Alexander, Tom Arnold, Roseanne Barr, Bob Einstein, En Vogue, George Foreman, Babcat Goldthwait (he cut his hair off on-stage), Robert Klein, LL Cool J, Dennis Miller, Mary Tyler Moore, as well as other less known actors looking to get their name out there too. Louie Anderson, Jim Carey, and Allan Blye were the main writers and cast too – what a time! What an experience!
I did NOT name the actor I was assigned to above. And by assigned to I mean, ensure that he made it to the green room and staging area for his scheduled portion of the show. He had just done a movie with Robin Williams, and was and is with a very A list Actress, that I adore. She was incredibly down to earth, and remains so today. The actor was not “well” known yet, but held himself well, I could see he was not “always” sure of himself though. I wouldn’t be either going out on that stage to make conversational jokes. But it was certainly a go-to event to see and be-seen at, and I was grateful to just be a part of it (unpaid) all, even a minute one as a production assistant. I have kept up with it over the years, and contributed to many causes over the years.
The hosts were with mostly solitary with their kluge behind the scenes, but exploded with energy on the stage, it was truly something to witness, especially Robin Williams. I was literally standing next to them all at different points in the program.
Later, I heard my actor’s name called in the line-up, and I made sure he was in place for his bit on-stage. All went on-time, and he returned to the same place, so I didn’t even have to run over to the other side of the stage, which was not just running in a hallway behind the stage, it was very convoluted back then. I took him to the press area where he stood for pictures and statements, he then joined his significant other, and off they went. I was able to watch the remainder of the program from the opulent green room, then we broke it all down and went home.
The breakdown again taking just a fraction of the time that it took to set it all up, test all the equipment from lavs, hand mics, wired mics, confidence monitors, audio, lights, blocking, cameras, resetting for the next artist on the different colored tape markings on the stage (blocking), all of was a great training ground. It was a group of fabulous people leading the way to success! Set yourself up for success, and it will follow.
I hold everyone on the crew in high esteem to this day, and mourn the loss of all who have passed. A great memory I cherish to this day.
No one knows the amazing effect a simple act of kindness can have. It is why I try to pay it forward all the time.
I was very sick as a young teenager. I was in the ICU, and pediatric ward more than I can even remember. I couldn’t walk most of the time, my eyes were so blurry I couldn’t see, the days ran into each other I was there so long. But there are a few things I do remember…….
I was in the pediatric ICU with an underweight baby I was allowed to feed. The nurses watched me, I loved doing it, and I could be in bed and contributing to something at least. We really weren’t sure if I was going to make it then, I did not know that at the time. They were trying to cure my very advanced Lyme Disease back then with penicillin and the course of treatment only had a 25% cure rate, but they also knew that I couldn’t infect anyone else either. So, if I could stand and walk, they let me, I even did the stairs if I felt up to it. Not many kids in the ICU could walk, or breathe on their own at all.
There was also young boy, Michael, he had a severe brain tumor, and Michael J. Fox was his “Make A Wish” guardian. Young Michael was not going to last very long. Everyday MJF called young Michael and they spoke on the speaker phone, I asked if I was allowed to say “hello”, and of course they let me. The very next day packages arrived. A few for young Michael and one hand delivered to me, by MJF himself – a Teddy Bear that I still have today.
I truly do not know if he already suspected that he had Parkinson’s disease, but I will say that he was and is generous in spirit and his time he gives to others, I cannot gush enough about him.
There was also a young doctor, who came a couple of Sunday’s on his day off to play the guitar for all of us. He played happy songs that we all knew, it certainly raised our spirits. About 8 months and thousands of tests and LPs (spinal taps) later, I finally was able to leave the hospital. I was weak, I was behind on schoolwork, even though teachers came in with lesson plans, they let a lot go, they pointed to answers for verbal tests (when I could see). Everyone played a part in helping me get better, and I did get better. Not only did I walk again, I danced in Performing Arts HS again, it was the greatest and worst time of my life.
Update on young Michael. He lived, and still lives, and is a brilliant brain surgeon. It’s an incredible story of courage and grit. It propels me to move forward and do better each day. I may not be a brain surgeon, but I know I can help people.
Be kind, be generous with your time, show up, helping someone also helps YOU, also know asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you stronger and self aware.
I can never repay the kindness that all the doctors, nurses, aides, and physical therapists, and their assistants, teachers, my parents, my siblings, and friends but, I can pay it forward to the next person, and I endeavor to do that everyday.
Thank you Michael J. Fox for all of you kindness and giving even through all of your trials and tribulations. The world is better because you’re in it.
After a full summer of PGA Tour Golf, Horse Racing, Auto Racing, and Bowling, so many events I don’t think I could list all of them. It was time to head back to the University for my second year. It was also the start of Football season, a whole new sport that I hadn’t worked on – YET. It was the first in-season game the Dallas Cowboys vs. Philadelphia Eagles @ Veterans Stadium.
I finished my last class on Friday at 2pm, I had already packed my car, and was Ready To Go. I now had a Chevy Cavalier that my brother fixed up for me to drive. So, off I went from Northern NJ, to Pennsylvania just a few hours to drive. My first football game, the cabling was basically set, but the skill set for Football, is vastly different than for Golf, Horse & Auto Racing. But, what I did know, and always brought with me was the willingness to learn and grow from each experience and to build upon each one. The Field Production and Technical Managers were more than willing to show anyone with the curiosity to learn what they knew too. It was an amazing time in life. The possibilities were endless, as long as I was open to them. That remains true today too.
“Our intention creates our reality.” – Wayne Dyer
I had made a Co-Op for my major out of this freelance job, and I was also getting paid to do it (I was “promoted”, and now made $75/day instead of just $50/day), Incredible opportunity. To ensure I didn’t miss many classes I was able to make all of my classes start on Tuesday and run to Friday.
I got to Veteran’s stadium a few hours later, parked in the designated area, and checked in with my PM. They were working with the blimp guy at the time, so I listened and took notes just to understand what he needed and when. Old school style still, pen and small notepad. Ok, we printed out the crew schedule, I posted it, made sure everyone knew their call times, made sure everyone had turned in their paperwork to onboard, and we were set to go. It was late, so off to a nearby hotel we went. Simple digs, but comfortable, but also no other young women were working the event so I was alone. I didn’t go to the gym that night, I went to sleep!
The next 2 days, I was raring to go, I got to the site early and opened up the production trucks and got everything ready for the PMs and TMs. Because, if I was on-time, I was already late! We spent the day planning and setting up telecom, and other technical aspects of the broadcast. We gave updates to the SVPs that were going to come to the game, ensured that we had badges for all, and knew exactly where they would be seated. I know that doesn’t sound exciting, but I thought it was because I wanted to not just a good job, I wanted to do a great job. I enlarged travel directions to fax to all the execs, and received confirmation that they had gotten them. I think we’re set.
Monday, here it is – game day. Later than expected, I was asked to go pick up some other supplies that the blimp guy had asked for at the last minute. It was getting dark out, but – No Problem. They usually sent us out in pairs, but everyone else was busy, so I was told to take one of the rental cars, pick up the gear at a local store, and come right back. Again, no problem. I called the store, they had the items ready, so off I went. But, I made a wrong turn, I had no idea where I was, and it wasn’t good.
There were abandoned cars, and heaps of garbage everywhere, I kept driving thinking I’d get to a street on my printed map. I didn’t. Suddenly there were 2 cars that blew passed me on each side, I slowed down to nearly a stop.
“Whew”, I stopped at the top of the block, that was crazy! I’m not done… At the end of the block there were a few cars facing each other and suddenly the men jumped out of the cars, pulled out guns, and started to shoot at each other! I saw the whole thing. I saw people get shot! It was like a movie, almost not real, except it was, and again I saw the whole thing! I didn’t know what to do. I put the rental car in reverse to back up, and went down a side street shaking, terrified, discombobulated, numb, those were real people, that was real…..
Finally, I saw a police car and drove straight to it. I rambled nonsensically on and on and on to the officers about what I saw, not even sure what it was that went on, and even though I wasn’t sure of the name of the street it all happened on.
I knew nothing. Ok, I knew the color of the cars and makes and models since I used to be a “helper” to my brother when he fixed cars, but other than that, I couldn’t give a good description of the people involved, it all happened very quickly. They took my statement, and where I was staying, I even gave them the pay-phone for my dorm floor if they needed to reach me after I went back to NJ.
Shakily, I asked the officers how to get to the store I was looking for, it wasn’t far, I picked up the supplies and returned to the production area dazed, worn-out, and still shaking a bit, but I DID feel safe with the crew. I never went out alone again btw. Focusing on work, and getting everything ready helped after a minor break, everything was done.
The PM had me sit with him for the remainder of the game, someone else would take the execs to their seats. We broke down in 3 hours what it took 3 days to build up, which always amazed me, and I decided to goto the hotel, check out right away and go back to the University. I didn’t want to be alone in the hotel room, I wanted to be back at school as soon as possible. Not my greatest idea, I was tired, still stunned, and then I had to walk to the dorm from the far dark parking lot alone at 6am. I got back safe and sound, my roommate was asleep, I quietly took a shower and tried to sleep.
Now what? I didn’t know, thoughts were racing through my mind, they undermined my confidence, it was shot (no pun intended) for the moment. But this too shall pass, won’t it? “Should I continue this life?”, “this was a fluke”, “what just happened”, “should I tell me parents?”, “should I tell anyone?” The sound of the live gunfire still perfectly resonated in my mind. Those men are probably dead – OMG!
I never did hear from the Philadelphia police, I DID tell my parents, I DID go on to do the entire season of MNF. I left school every Friday (even the following Friday after the shooting) after my 2pm class ended, whether I drove or hopped on a plane, I’d get to the site, set-up, break-down, go back to the University and made most of my classes. I continued to study on the plane – no matter what.
Lessons Learned: Don’t let fear stop you ever. Fear doesn’t stop death, it stops life. Face Everything And Recover, it does get better. The memory is still here as I am writing this – it’s palpable even now, but I know I have the tools to handle it. Friends, family, therapists, there’s no shame in admitting you need it. It is what it is. Not to be cliché, but I cannot change the past, nor was anything my fault, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Keep moving forward No Matter What.
That was the first time I ever saw anyone get shot, but it wasn’t the last.
That's News To Me 